IT'S BEEN TOO LONG! OHHH, HOW I'VE MISSED THEE....

So, I have been MIA since I had my beautiful baby girl! I know. I know. I have heard from all of you inquiring as to where baby mama has been! Well, I'm BACK! Alas, you will be happy to know that while I have not been blogging via my PC, I have been blogging the old fashioned way - in my handy tablet that my godmomma gave me. She was right and gave me the advice to write things down whenever I had the chance, and I have. It's been the most amazing ride of my life! I am so in love with my beautiful daughter, Salma Loren Schalhamer! So let's begin.....we have a lot of catching up to do!

THE BIRTH!

After finding out Miss Salma would be born anywhere from 8/10 to 8/11 depending on when she decided to make her appearance, the excitement and anxiety set in! While I did my share of research as to what to expect, I still didnt know what lied ahead of me, all I knew was that I could not wait to meet my baby girl!

I expected to be hooked up to machines, interact with a number of nurses, anesthesiologists, doctors, and med students. I expected to be stripped of any dignity I had as I lie numb (because I KNEW I would be getting an epidural), while being prepped for the biggest moment of my life. I expected that Tarzan would be right there with me, holding my hand.

The staff at Sky Ridge Medical Center took excellent care of us.

Long story short, I was in labot for 28 hours and waited to have my epidural til hour 20. I am proud to say, that Dr. Scariano was proud of me. That means a lot to me, because quite honestly, Dr. Scariano is not only my OB Doctor, but such an amazing person whom I admire and was so honored to have her deliver Miss Salma.

Miss Salma Loren Schalhamer was born at 11 PM on the nose on August 10, 2009. An hour shy of her papa's birthday. I pushed for 20 minutes and she was here. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever laid my eyes on.

I tried turning my head to see Salma on the examination table, but all I could make out what her tiny leg. She was then brought to me. This was my big moment. I couldn't have been more in awe. I just froze and looked into her little blinking eyes and instantaneously fell in love like I never knew possible.

I couldn't even tell you if I held Salma for 15 seconds or 5 minutes before they took her to the nursery for observation, but to me it felt like a lifetime. I couldn't have been more elated.

Once in my postpartum room I was tired yet running full speed on adrenaline. Unable to get out of bed to care for the baby, Tarzan quickly transformed into DAD OF THE YEAR. He was changing diapers and swaddling our baby like a pro. I couldn't be more proud of my hubby. I love them both so much.

It's 6AM on D-Day!!

You know that feeling when you were a kid & it was the night before Christmas....where you just can't sleep 'cause you are too excited to see what Santa left and if Rudolph ate the carrots you left behind for him (yes, I did that!). Well, I thought that I would be up all night, but surprisingly I slept an entire 5 hours! I can only contribute this to the OCD case of cleaning I was going through yesterday.

This morning, however, I feel a little more relaxed. Maybe this is the calm before a new mental storm or maybe a little glimpse of relief as the big birthday is finally here. Tarzan on the other hand must need a pick me up - he actually slept on the couch last night so that I wouldn't awake as frequently as I usually do when I sleep with him (it's like sleeping with a caged tiger - he moves more than anyone). So, that was very nice, but I have a feeling he might not have slept so well. New Dad jitters?

Being that it's delivery day (well most likely tomorrow), unfortunately I'm not sure how soon it will be before I can log back on to update everyone. I'm thinking about a week- it could be sooner if I can persuade Tarzan to get on and post during one of his trips home in the next couple days. I'll see what I can do!

Thanks to everyone for all their love and support through these past 40 weeks. I think I've experienced quite every emotion possible and have shared the majority of them with you. Today or tomorrow however, I'm sure to be filled with intense feelings of love and joy that I didn't know existed. And I'm not confident I'll be able to relay any of it accurately- I've been told there aren't words.

YAY for D-Day!

My Friday chock FULL of Surprises!

SURPRISE #1:
Walking out the doors of the apartment this morning, it was markedly different. To most, another day in the life of Jennifer. Yet, today is VERY different. Today, my friends is the last weekday as pre-baby Jen. I felt surprisingly uneasy. I anticipated similar emotions to when I took off for my honeymoon or any other vacation, but this was not the case. Perhaps it's because deep down I knew I was leaving responsibilities I could handle, people I understood, and a routine that was familiar, and trading it all in for a more difficult job – a job I have not trained for – taking care of a little person I don't know or understand, under circumstances that will no way nearly resemble a routine.

SURPRISE #2:
The baby inside me looks like a mini-me. The tech administering the 2D ultrasound at my check-up was so intrigued by the chubby cheeks she saw in the 2D ultrasound, she switched the machine over to 3D/4D mode to get a better look. And there she was...mini-J. I too, had very big cheeks (still do) when I was a bambino.

SURPRISE #3:
Our baby isn't a tiny monster, unless you consider an average baby (somewhere aroud 7-8 pounds) to be large, which I do not.

SURPRISE #4:
Protein in my urine. This came as a surprise to me, but it's concerning to my Doc as traces of protein have not been lingering around till this check up. This is a sign of Preeclampsia + baby mama not being able to breathe, because Salma is still sitting so HIGH that she's constricting my airway and pressing on my lungs + my tummy measuring 40 cm (which is bigger than I should be at this time) = induction of labor this SUNDAY. Yes, you heard right -- THIS SUNDAY, 8/9/09 at 7:30 PM.

SURPRISE #5:
AM I READY FOR THIS?!! In near panic I realize that in less than 48 hours I will be introducing Miss Salma Loren (pronounced like Sophia Loren, not like the Lauren in Raulph Lauren) Schalhamer!!!!!!

SURPRISE #6:
All my blood tests came back normal, my blood pressure has been running high for me but was great today! The baby's heart rates were perfect, and although my blood pressures were askew, everything looked well enough to send me home; till Sunday that is. As Dr, Scariano said -- she's listening to that little voice in her head that Salma needs to come out sooner than later.

SURPRISE #7:
I don't do well under Mom-to-Be stress. Once home, I sobbed like a baby. OVERWHELMED is the word of the day here. I might not be as ready for this Mom thing as I thought!

NOT-A-SURPRISE #1:
My husband is going to be an amazingly wonderful father. When I asked him how the hell he figured out how to be so calm and truly, my rock of Gibralter under such unexpected circumstances (making another trip to the hospital in L&D), he calmly looked at me and said, "Babe, I was ready to be a Dad." & "You're the strongest woman I know." And, "YOU. CAN. DO. THIS. & you're ALREADY the best mother to Miss Salma with how good you have taken care of her in utero."

If that doesn't melt your heart and have all you ladies trying to steal my man, then you are all crazy! (NOT-A-SURPRISE #2- I am one lucky woman.)

Date Night

Last night Tarzan and I had an attempt-a-date. We didn't leave the house, as Tarzan made a lovely dinner for me.

Who was I kidding, as I would have loved to have gone out... but. alas, my back has been killing me, and getting tired is what I do, and I wanted nothing more than to veg out on the couch. We opted to watch the Rockies rather than go see the movie I have been dying to see, The Hangover.

We're planning another date night this coming weekend, being as it will be our last weekend as a 2-person family for the rest of our lives. I told Tarzan that if there was anything he wanted to do before having children, he's got 11 days to do it - and good luck finding a chic to have sex with us, because I'm not exactly a prize these days. (Ha ha...me so funny.)

The Hospital Tour

This week, Tarzan and I attended a maternity tour at The Sky Ridge Medical Center, where I will be delivering Salma. We met with a lovely lady, who took us through the entire hospital process...everything from where to park, registration, the LDR (labor/delivery/recovery) suites and postpartum care. We even got to sneak a peek at the little bambinos in the nursery.

I was very impressed with the staff and facilities. The staff supports keeping the baby with the mother/father at all times, which is why everything needed for a vaginal birth is in-room. If complications were to arise, Sky Ridge has a state of the art neonatal intensive care unit. They are a Level 4 (out of 5) NICU hospital. A Level 5 NICU is the most advanced, and that being Children's Hospital in Denver. I'm confident we'll be in talented hands!

Tarzan was most was most excited by how amazing the suites are. They really are! Marble floors, lots of room, flat screen TV for him to watch, room service, etc...

It definitely put things in perspective that iin less than 3 weeks, we will be having our first child together! Agghhh, now if I could just fast forward through the whole labor part, that would be GREAT!

Can someone say 'Sticker SHOCK'??????

After an unexpected trip to Labor & Delivery this week, Tarzan and I realized we might want to purchase our remaining baby necessities sooner than later. (I'm fine by the way..)

Our list consisted of things like a bottle sterilizer, bottle warmer, some nursing supplies, hard candy to help with dry mouth during delivery and last, but not least, Dreft to wash our all baby items in.

Unlike the bottle system or diapers I chose, I did no research on laundry detergent. Word-of-mouth and numerous advertisements in baby magazines led me to believe that Dreft is just what I should use.

Standing in the laundry isle I was in sticker shock...a 1.5 gallon tub of Dreft is $18.00? What the hell? What's in this stuff that makes it so special? If I use Dreft will the baby shit ice cream?

I just didn't get it, so I "attempted" to compare the solution in Dreft to the solution in Target's knock-off. However, you can't compare the two because Dreft doesn't release their secret ingredients. So there is no way to actually know just what is in this stuff that makes it so friggin' amazing.

I convinced myself that it was okay to splurge this one time and then do further research before buying it again. After all, in addition to clothes, I'm supposed to wash the bassinet and crib sheets, swing and car seat fabrics in this stuff...so I'd better be safe than sorry.

This morning I went to the Dreft web site and clicked their FAQ tab. The first question is, "How is Dreft formulated for baby laundry needs?"

The answer: The Dreft® formula is designed to not only help fight tough baby and toddler stains, but also provide a gentle clean for baby.

Well, no shit. Isn't that what all laundry detergent is formulated to do?

So from now on, I think I'll go with the Target knock-off or All Free & Clear – or something similar with no scents or dyes. I'll consider this a FIRST-TIME-SUCKER-MOM purchase and chalk it up to just being naive.

Only the BREAST for baby Salma......

Am I worried about how much pain I'll endure during labor? Not really.

Am I concerned about not getting enough sleep after the baby is born? No, I expect it.

Am I fearful of dropping the baby when walking down steps? A little.

Am I overwhelmed by the breastfeeding process? You betcha I am!

I've always wanted to breastfeed. In fact, the only time I ever entertained the idea of not breastfeeding was when I was deciding whether or not to go through with the breast reduction. Luckily, I did go through with this surgery & the surgery was a success, and I'll only know if all my milk-parts were left in-tact upon delivery. I am remaining optimistic that I will indeed be able to breastfeed.

That being said, in sharing my hopes of breastfeeding with friends and family, I've come to the conclusion that although nursing is a 'natural' feat, it isn't a sure-thing, nor is it guaranteed to happen naturally. Which, quite frankly, is scaring the shit out of me.

Here are just a couple remarks on nursing that I've heard lately:

- "I can remember my milk coming out looking like tomato soup because my cracked nipples were bleeding."

- "Breastfeeding felt like my nipples were being raked across a gravel road or sandpaper."

- "I can remember just crying because it hurt so badly."

And if those comments aren't enough to freak any newbie baby mama out, I ran into a random stranger at the bank yesterday who also happened to be a lactation consultant (it's funny, and actually kinda cool to get approached by so many random strangers when you're pregnant)! Anyhow, after basic conversation about my due date, the baby's gender, etc - she asked me if I was 1. going to breastfeed and 2. doing anything to toughen up my nipples...like scrubbing with a loofah, a toothbrush or sandpaper. WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? She quickly added those were things I DID NOT want to do, but either way, the visuals turned my stomach, and quite horrified if people would actually do this.

I know that if breastfeeding doesn't work out for my baby cub and I there are other alternatives. I can pump and feed her with a bottle or go straight to formula. I guess only time will tell.

In the meantime, I'd prefer to not hear any more horror stories on the subject. If anyone must tell me a story, make it a pleasant one, and lie if you have to. Lord knows, these girls of mine have been through enough already!

The Friends Shower...

Our Friends Showers took place last Saturday afternoon. My friends, Meg, Sorcha, Erin, Melanie, Marta & cousin Danielle put on the shower.

Ladies, thank you soo much! The decor was perfect, the food was perfect, the games were perfect, the cupcakes were perfect and the company in which I was surrounded by, was perfect as well!

The baby and I couldn't have asked for a better shower. In fact, there isn't anything I'd change about it! Just check out this amazing center piece, made with lots o' diapers, daisies, and the color scheme of the entire shower and the center piece was yellow and pink ---- LOVE IT!

I was, and still am, truly overwhelmed by the love and generosity Salma, Tarzan and I were showered with. I received baby care products, diapers, clothes, clothes, and so much more than I can even list.

So thanks to all the ladies who spent their Saturday afternoon with me, celebrating the little one. I appreciate each one of our friendships and love you all very much! Oh yea, it was great to get away for a brief reprieve from bedrest too! :)

I've been MIA for June ~ only thing to report is that BEDREST SUX!

So, I have been MIA for June 2009 - let me bring you up to date! I was put on bedrest at 30 weeks because what I thought were normal aches and pains of pregnancy were actually contractions! Who would have THUNK???? Anyhow, I have now been on bedrest for 5 weeks now and feel like I have been dying a slow death! It's been miserable, especially for this girl who CAN NEVER SIT DOWN! Anyhow, my mom, RJ, family & my wonderful friends have been making it much more tolerable! Only 1 more week of bedrest and I'm off of bedrest! According to my Dr, if I go anytime after 36 weeks, baby Salma will be 'fully baked' and they will let me proceed with the contractions and EASE into labor! Like I how I said, EASE.............positive thinking, positive thinking! Labor will be as EASY as it can be! Positive thinking is my MANTRA!

Catheter please.....anyone?????

On average, I bet I make about 20+ trips to the bathroom in a 24 hour period. It's similar to 'breaking the seal' when you are drinking...without the added benefit of a buzz.

I don't mind the frequency at home so much (except for the middle of the night, which averages anywhere from 2-5 times a night). It's the in-public restroom trips that wig me straight out.

Yes, I use the potty protectors. However, I can't help but think about whose ass was on the seat before mine. And, because of my frequent trips, how many asses am I coming in contact with per day?

Luckily I'm usually in and out in under a minute. However short my stall time, the experience is kind of like an ass hand shake...you know you have to do it, it's quick and painless, and yet you have no idea where that hand has been.

Remembering my 1st Baby, Moses...

This week has been a TOUGH week, to say the least. We had to put my dear Moses down after 18 years of a long, hopefully great life! He has been around since I was 18 years old. I knew it was going to be hard, but had NO idea just how very hard it was going to be without him. All that know me, know that I am a HUGE animal-lover and have been a fur-mama for many, many years!

So, as I reflect back on his life, I want to remember all the special memories we shared. Like the way he just loved popcorn, or the way this little 7 pound cat just loved to torment my 100 pound Labrador! Or, the way he greeted me every morning sitting at the end of the bed just looking and waiting for me to feed him. The past few days have been really hard adjusting to him not being around. Especially because Moses, Pablo & I have become very close since being layed off a few months back. My two fur-babies have been my sole companionship during the day these past few months, and I feel lucky to have spent as much quality time with him as I did.

That being said, I wanted to share with you all a poem that my friend, Erin sent me yesterday that has really helped me get through not having my dear Moses around anymore.

So, to my first fur-baby I will miss you terribly but have solace knowing that you are no longer in pain. Tarzan (yes, Tarzan - my non-cat lover hubby), Pablo and I miss you more than you know.............

Moses
1991 - 5/19/2009

The Last Battle
If it should be that I grow frail and weak
and pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then you must do what must be done,
For this--the last battle--can't be won.
You will be sad I understand,
Don't let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.
We have had so many happy years,
What is to come can hold no fears
You'd not want me to suffer, so.
When the time comes, please let me go.
Take me to where to my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me til the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree
it is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don't grieve that it must be you
Who has to decide this thing to do;
We've been so close--we two--these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.
-Author Unknown

Welcome to the 3rd Trimester!!!!!

Only 10 weeks to go until I'm considered full term! Technically, full term is 38 weeks, but the majority of deliveries actually occur between 38-42 weeks.

Our little one is 2.25 - 3 pounds and is 15 inches in length (head to heels)...about the size and weight of half an average bag of sugar. Our lil' cub's eyes blink, which now sport lashes!

The baby's eyesight is also developing, and may be able to see the light that filters in through my womb. Salma also is developing billions of neurons in it's brain and adding more body fat in preparation for life in the outside world.

As for me, I can look forward to any number of the following physical side effects during the remainder of this pregnancy: constipation, heart burn, bloating, indigestion, headaches, dizziness, nasal congestion, bleeding gums, increased appetite, leg cramps, swelling, varicose veins, hemorrhoids, itchy stomach, protruding naval, hot flashes, backache, skin changes, fuller breasts, carpal tunnel, tingly hands and feet, fetal hiccups, skin eruptions, lower back and leg (sciatica) pain and clumsiness.

Two words: pregnancy bliss.

The onset of PANIC!!!!!

So far, I've been pretty accepting of the changes that have been occurring to my body. As I have stated to Tarzan, it is no longer my body, but Salma's. I'll get it back some time after 8/11. I've also thought I have been fairly realistic about "what's to come." Until now.

Every week I get an update from babycenter.com informing me of how my baby is developing each week, as well as what I physically should/could be in for. Today I found out that I may experience some darkening skin patches; and most importantly, could fall victim to "the mask of pregnancy." As a good woman would do, I turned to Google for pics of this so-called mask.

Lucky me (please note the VERY thick, thick sarcasm)...I ran across a site that prides itself on exploiting the reality of the postpartum body. I'm not exaggerating in the slightest, when I say my life has been forever changed. My heart hasn't stopped beating rapidly since my eyes laid on the disturbing imagery, and like a car wreck, I keep going back to the site and starring at these women. I'm so scared I could puke.

Nothing PG-related, but 1 of the BEST Quotes I've ever read:

"I believe in the rule of opposites.
that the two sides of a coin
are loss and greater loss, that grief dribbles
out of the bottle as effortlessly as joy.
And if you scoop up everything sad,
your hands
will discover the texture of hope."

-Jane Bailey

'Just A Friend'

More shocking facts that I uncover week to week, day by day! So, Tarzan woke up to yours truly this weekend singing in my sleep; or LET ME CLARIFY more like rapping in my sleep. Ya know, since I am a Hip-Hop girl (more specifically 80's Hip Hop rules the School, yo)!

Thats right.

Tarzan woke up to his wife rappin' to 'Just A Friend' by Biz Markie! You all remember the song right?!?!?! Or maybe the old school video of Biz Markie will jog your memory with his weird teeth, singing about a girl while driving a Mercedes Benz & simultaneously singing by a fireplace! Don't ask me how I remember this, but I have a photogenic memory when it comes to videos.

Anyhow, the better question is why the heck would would I dream about this? WTF!?!?!??! So, you can imagine my amusement when Tarzan told me about my solo rap concert this weekend! I think I laughed for 5 minutes straight, because I only remember bits and pieces of the dream (& more specifically the song); nonetheless dreams while pregnant can get a little WILD at times ranging from nightmares to puppies to 80's Hip Hop! I'll be sure to keep you posted about what I dream about next! Who knows, maybe it will be Vanilla Ice!

It didn't work!

So, Tarzan was a little disappointed he's not getting to feel the baby kick. I have found myself putting his hand on my belly and saying "Feel it?" only to get a "No" response almost every time. He has felt her kick a few times, but almost everytime I put his hand on my tummy, she does nothing or suddenly falls asleep.

Well, I read about this recipe to turn this situation around! After all, no husband should miss out on the great joy of feeling those precious little baby kicks, right!

Well, being a gloomy Saturday day where Tarzan & I just lounged on the couch all day, I got the bright idea to test this recipe out!

What I needed:
• 1 pound frozen meat (we prefer hot sausage)- however, we opted for a cold can of Tecate in the fridge
• 1 washcloth

Instructions:
1. Wrap the frozen meat (or Tecate in my case) in the washcloth
2. Lie on your side
3. Position the wrapped meat (Tecate) under your belly
4. Wait for the baby to start kicking like a champion

Well, it didn't work. Or, of course it could my unborn Leo baby's little way of saying, "Mom, Dad... don't f*ck with me. I may be young, but paybacks are a bitch."

I'm no HUSSY.....

That's right. I got married and then I got pregnant 6 months later. That being said, nothing bothers me more than the fact my hands have swollen to the point I can't wear my beautiful engagement ring and wedding band. That's right, my hands look like mini sausages! For as long as I can remember, I've always done a "ring check" on any pregnant woman I've run across (call it a woman thing). Just curious or nosy, I guess.

Until now.

Why, you ask? Because I'd never thought about the fact these ringless women may actually be married, but aren't able to accommodate their tokens of commitment. I waited for over 30+ years to snag me up some bling, and now just over a year later, I'm once again sporting the naked finger. To comfort me in my time of need, my mother today gave me her wedding ring and wedding band to slip on my sausage till I can once again get mine on (who knows when that will be)! I, of course, started crying today when she offered. Mom said she would be honored for me to wear hers in the interim. Even though mom & dad were divorced some time ago; I thought the gesture was priceless & yes my non-naked finger again in the presence of strangers, somehow puts me at ease.

Heartbeat all-a-flutter!

We went for my 6 month OB appointment today! I always look forward to these monthly appointments to hear Salma's heartbeat (she's quite the healthy one at 160 beats per minute), yet in the the same token hate these appointments because I have to get on the dreaded scale! Good Lord, I almost weigh as much as my husband and I still have quite some time to go! Nonetheless, it's ALL WORTH IT!

Tarzan has come to every single prenatal Doctor appointment with me! I feel so blessed to have such a wonderful husband who has taken such an active role in my pregnancy so far!

Today, I am off to spend a few days with my mom & Godmother to help them with the baby shower they are throwing us on 5/16. I can't believe how fast the time has gone! Soon, we will be welcoming Salma to the world in just a few short months!

Looking back on 24 weeks of pregnancy...

23 weeks of pregnancy down and I am quickly approaching only 16 more weeks to go. I figured this would be a good time to reflect on the past 23 weeks my belly has been growing and growing and share some often unspoken shocking facts I have learned since becoming pregnant.

Maybe I missed the memo that the Pregnant Fairy left on my pillow the night Tarzan (a.k.a. Randy) impregnated me. Or maybe these are lessons that every pregnant girl has to learn the hard way. Either way, it’s been one heck of a learning curve at times! And that’s why today I bring to you my shocking facts 23 weeks of pregnancy has taught me. So let’s dive in!

1. I pee a ridiculous amount of times per day. I pee more in a day now than I peed in an entire week all together. I'm glad we live in an apartment because I shudder to think what our water bill would be if we lived in a house. One of my bad habits is to go to the bathroom and then tell Tarzan that we are out of toilet paper. He hates it.

2. Not only is my belly growing, but so is everything else. My arms, butt, thighs, and body parts I didn’t even know I had are getting bigger by the day. This cannot be a good thing.

3. Hormones are beyond out of control. Just ask Randy.

4. I cry about everything. I cry over commercials. I cry over TV shows. I cry over seeing someone do something nice for an elderly woman at the grocery store. And I cry over the fact that I cry so much.

5. Forgetfulness flows through me like the sand through an hour glass. The days of my life can be summed up in two words: Pregnant Brain. I had something funny to also write here, but I forgot what it was.

6. Social life. What social life? That went out the window shortly after getting pregnant and I’m often asleep on the couch by 8:30 and in bed by 9:00… Friday and Saturday nights included.

7. Bitchiness. Don’t mess with me. My hormones are ready to go into battle at a moments notice… and I never lose. Really.

8. My dog (Pablo) is attached to me like a cell phone on a 15 year-old that loves to text. He must be next to me at all times now.

9. Even though I am growing a baby, I still don’t like the fact that I’m gaining weight in other spots than my stomach. Why didn’t I luck out with one of those awesome bodies that doesn’t gain weight so easily? Damn genes.

10. Google isn’t always a pregnant girl’s friend. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve looked something up and based on what I read I’d swear I was either going into labor or that I had a rare disease only found in red frogs in the Amazon jungle. No joke.

11. Most maternity clothes are as flattering as me wearing a Snuggie everywhere I go.

12. HEADACHES. Enough said.

13. I get out of breath doing just about anything now. Stairs? Forget about them. Show me the nearest elevator. What? No elevator? Carry me.

14. Feeling Salma kick and tumble about in my tummy is probably the BEST feeling in the entire world!